The ironing is delicious

Some of you may wish to point out how, in writing this blog, I've actually subjected myself to reading on a daily basis the two comics I hate most. I realize this, but I think the criticism is such that it is clear that this is not an attempt to announce to the world that I read these comics every day, more that I want to share my hate with the world.

Theft is not funny

Poor Fred. Everyone is out to steal his bones. I don't like how the author broke the fourth wall, inserting 'you know' into the second panel. It's as Fred is talking to us. It's enough to believe that a dog has coherent thoughts, in English no less, but to believe that he is talking to me? You've lost me. I am sorry that Fred feels his bone is threatened, but why then, as Jock nears, does he leave it lying in the yard. That's a rookie mistake. When a thief comes around, you guard your possessions tighter, you don't confront them and leave what they want unguarded. If Jock does this frequently, as Fred claims, Fred should have refined his bone-protecting technique. Maybe it's his failure here that leads to the constant theft. Fred, step up your game.

Why doesn't anyone use littlerboxes?

I don't quite understand the premise...is Jeffy saying that PJ should go outside in the yard? Does he not see the many problems this would cause, since children are not allowed to be outside without adult supervision? And Why does PJ look so ashamed? Don't let Jeffy get you down, this is an opportunity for you to assert your rights as a baby, one who can use a diaper as a bathroom for a year or maybe more. Enjoy it while you can, sometimes the walk to the bathroom feels like miles.

I judge all comics equally

Yes, I hate Fred Basset and Family Circus the most, but if I come across one I hate a lot, or any of my loyal readers point me in the direction of one that is truly awful, I will write about it.

Eyes are Important

Oh my. It looks like the artist had enough to say that he had to use a thought bubble and text under the image. Well my friend, you've wasted more words than usual. It is understandable that a young girl would be upset when her gramma leaves, but this comic supposes she does not understand crying and has never cried before, both of which cannot be true. Also, why are the other two children not crying? Do they feel no emotion? Are women being portrayed as the weak, inferior gender? Or maybe there is something wrong with her eyes, and since correlation doesn't imply causation, maybe it's something that should get checked out. You can't let this one go, mom. She'll be blind by 15...but she never grows up. Dammit.

Homeland Security is not Funny

There are several things wrong with this comic. One, I don't think dogs need passports. Not to say that they shouldn't. The TSA probably would not let Afghan sheepdogs on their flights. Or if they did, all the other dogs would make eyes at each other. Second, Fred, you look fine. Don't be self conscious. All the artist is doing is giving dogs another reason to not finish their bowl of puppy chow, and not just because they're eying that package of Beggin' Strips or Snausages on the counter. Every dog is beautiful. Third, it's not funny. This will be a common theme in my analysis. Just. Not. Funny.

Welcome!

Hello loyal readers-

Everyone loves the comics. They are your reward for getting through the snooze section that is the news, business, and arts section. Some make me laugh out loud, others make me chuckle. But two make me want to throw the newspaper at the wall-Family Circus and Fred Basset. I will try to analyze each of these cartoons daily. And when I say analyze, I mean criticize and rant about. Enjoy!

Simon